totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
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HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
is it fun? or sober?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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