She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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