it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
