You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
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I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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