bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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