i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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