My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
