but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
