Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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