hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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