Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
