he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
