Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
