Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize