my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
