is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
