no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
