wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
