Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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