I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
