I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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