We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
