That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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