Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you traded sex for a burrito?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
