I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
