If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
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I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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