He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
