Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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