yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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