you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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