im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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