i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
my liver is dry heaving
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
