there's paper in my vomit.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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