is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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