I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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