Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
