I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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