i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
