When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize