I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm like, not good at living.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize