can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
