I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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