I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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