the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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