Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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