Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
