dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
