You made me cry and you don't even care
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
