Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
