you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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