Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
