Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
