I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize