is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
