omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
