my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
