i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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