do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
