It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
