please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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