i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
