Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize