brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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