no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
