Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
a search helicopter?!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
