I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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