8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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