i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
